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Peggy Smith's avatar

We have been losing our sense of privacy for quite awhile (Lewinsky was a figure of public shame for too long). Gossip rag magazines used to be the only place this happened & gossip columnists. Remember Rona Barrett? So our appetite for wanting to peek behind people's locked doors has always been. However, with the advent of cable, reality TV and social media, everyone became a citizen reporter. I think the HBO series, "The Newsroom" nicely highlighted this and shamed us for our collective appetite for voyeurism, be it true or not. Maybe that's why Trump gets away with all that he does: Trump sensationalizes and exploits anything that might be morally acceptable and instead he enjoys mocking/humiliating anyone and his followers quite obviously, enjoy it. This enjoyment at anothers downfall is profoundly vile but it has a deeper role: it keeps us safe from having "it" fall onto our shoulders. Safety provides a sort of comfort zone net that allows us to hide behind it while joining in the jeering of others. Ever read Toni Morrison's novel, "The Bluest Eye"?

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Peggy Smith's avatar

"All of our waste which we dumped on her and which she absorbed. And all of our beauty, which was hers first and which she gave to us. All of us--all who knew her--felt so wholesome after we cleaned ourselves on her. We were so beautiful when we stood astride her ugliness. Her simplicity decorated us, her guilt sanctified us, her pain made us glow with health, her awkwardness made us think we had a sense of humor. Her inarticulateness made us believe we were eloquent. Her poverty kept us generous. Even her waking dreams we used--to silence our own nightmares. And she let us, and thereby deserved our contempt. We honed our egos on her, padded our characters with her frailty, and yawned in the fantasy of our strength."

- Toni Morrison, The Bluest Eye

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Kathy's avatar

The damage was done the minute those two decided to gleefully betray their spouses, their marriage vows and their children and undermine the integrity of their business. RFrom that moment all their lives were forever altered and the “mortifying toll” was set in motion, just not yet revealed to their families, company and community. It’s the lies and betrayal and probable gaslighting, not the getting caught that caused pain and shame and disappointment to so many others. As heartbreaking as it may be ,the sooner known the better.

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Michael Donaldson's avatar

If the kiss cam incident hadn’t occurred, this might have been the big story. Recent immigrants- wanted to sing Magic with him - might be a longer clip somewhere. we were there and it was a big ( positive) deal. He says “welcome to Canada, Canada welcomes everyone. “ I more or less ignored the hugging couple - still thinking what he said.

https://youtu.be/UHgzIfHQ-Mo?feature=shared

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Linda Aldrich's avatar

You’ve made an important connection regarding our cultural morality eroding via the digital age by the acceptance of and even celebration of being shameless. I think long form social media (like substacks, podcasts, etc) becoming more popular is a type of antidote to this. Today I watched the Joe Rogan podcast for the first time, because he was speaking with James Talarico, who is the most authentic legislator I have ever encountered. It’s two hours long but so well worth the watch. Talarico touches on many of these cultural concepts in the interview, especially around the hour and hour and a half mark. He makes the case that people are hungering for more than just clickbait, and speaks frankly about our evolving world and spirituality. I can just imagine him and you and Gregory Rodriguez having a fascinating conversation.

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Linda Aldrich's avatar

P.S. Wondering what you think of Gregory’s essay that he recently posted on Substack.

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Jilll's avatar

I'm fortunate not to have to be on social media and I'm not. I may be missing things, but not the life and people who impact me. I appreciate high level thinkers, like Mike Madrid, and appreciate the thoughtfulness of the community this Substack cultivates. Thank you all.

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SandraLea's avatar

Bad me—I thought this was deliciously funny. Too bad the public couldn’t have just left it at that.

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Alina's avatar

I just finished Jonathan Haidt's "The Righteous Mind" which examines our political divides through the lens of human evolution and psychology. According to Haidt, gossip and shame were used to reinforce moral principles and to police us into ethical behavior and bind us together into a shared understanding of "propriety". Interesting that in the digital age, both gossip and shame have completely uncoupled from this historical role of enforcing moral standards in our society and are now mostly employed as a form of entertainment (as you noted so eloquently in this article) that has almost nothing to do with morality and mostly to do with shadenfreude.

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Alina's avatar

We are enjoying the suffering of the arrogant CEO because we see him as a symbol of the arrogant jerk, the HR lady as a symbol of hypocrisy, and are now writing articles about the CEO's wife with no thought at all that we are causing her and their children suffering. Everything is a show and this new show will leave these families in ruins while we move on to the next episode.

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Mike Madrid's avatar

Thanks for this Alina! Very insightful. Does Haidt address the changing role of shame and public shaming in the digital age?

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Alina's avatar

No, the book was written in 2011, so I think we were at the beginnings of social media when he was writing that particular one. He mostly looked at the differences in moral frameworks between conservatives and liberals in America to examine why we so often completely misunderstand one another and think the other side lacks morals completely. He is writing more now about how social media and the digital age are quite literally changing human development as the kids adopt their social cues from being online in his newest book, The Anxious Generation.

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Mike Madrid's avatar

Thank you Alina 🙏🏼

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Alina's avatar
4dEdited

PS The title of your substack is resonating more and more with me as time goes on. I think this is a time of tremendous transformation. I didn't catch what you meant by it when you first started on Substack, but I am getting it more and more with everything you observe and write. Thanks so much for doing this work. I have three teens and a fair amount of anxiety about what we are transforming into. I appreciate your insight every time you write.

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Nenapoma's avatar

True we have super become indifferent to other peoples feelings. Was there a point in this country where we had empathy for each other? I cant name a time where we didnt demonize each other.

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Nenapoma's avatar

Liked your interview with Alex Padilla I wish it was longer. Feels like yall could talk everything and anything.

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Mike Madrid's avatar

He’ll be back on. He was just doing a favor because we both felt it was important to capture the moment

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Mike Madrid's avatar

Excellent suggestions!

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Nenapoma's avatar

You did … I love that Dems are finally figuring out oh we need public opinion on ourside …and they are going to influencers small and large and people here on substack and social media who are prodemocracy. Not they are perfect paragons but they are doing the work as uncomfortable as it is for them. (I still want the medium age of senate to go way down)

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Nenapoma's avatar

Before I forget I think you need with needs in all caps to interview Rita Harris and Carlos Guillermo Smith. They went to the interment camp in the everglades. I saw Rita Harris talking about the conditions in the camp (she even has a substack) the conditions are very inhumane .

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Gustavo Vazquez-Lozano's avatar

Terrifying—how the new invisible Inquisition works.

It doesn’t listen, only condemns.

It can destroy lives in a second, without due process.

It digs through your past to find more ammunition—old tweets, silly posts from 15 years ago.

It judges with emotion and the dominant moral mood, not reason.

And it can ruin your life at any moment… all it takes is one mistake, caught by someone’s phone, by chance.

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Georgene Goodstein's avatar

“Digital Collosseum” Excellent designation. Are the actual lions coming soon"

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Linda Aldrich's avatar

I liked the “digital colosseum” phrase also.

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Cynthia Phillips's avatar

The obvious play here for the couple would have been for the woman to turn around and slap the man's face hard. This might have created a little reasonable doubt about what they were up to.

I've said it for years. Social media has turned the entire world into a small town. Back in the olden days, I remember a lot of gossip about someone spotting people in out of the way places together who were married to other people. My feeling is if you are going to do something in public that has the potential to shame you, then you will have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Social media is social after all.

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Esther B's avatar

I had seen the phrase “Coldplay couple” a handful of times over the past few days and had decided not to engage. So yours is the first piece I decided to read about this item. The concept of privacy certainly has changed over the decades. We reap what we sew as a society. I hope we can manage this technological transition we’re in responsibly and eventually find an outcome beneficial to all.

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Cath C's avatar

Really enjoyed this article. Enjoyed as in it articulated so much that I feel but have struggled to put into words about the effects of social media’s portrayal of shame and worse- witnessing everyday suffering in war zones say - and where my comfort levels are at in how to process it all. Thanks Mike.

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Tai's avatar

Trump’s super power is he knows his supporters will forgive everything, while these two executives know there will be consequences for their indiscretions.

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Treat Paula's avatar

It's always the coverup ... in life & politics.

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ANGELICA BALDERAS's avatar

I can't imagine the shame the spouses feel, the kids and the families....We will all move on but the damage is done

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