I have been contemplating the way forward as a nation a lot. I lived in VA for fourteen years and am now in New England and have felt dislocated in both places for different reasons (I am not a orthodox thinker...as a product of a mixed ethnic/religious/cultural household I was not really raised to see the world through a black/white lens.)
I have an autistic/ADHD son and something I learned slowly (and then deeply) through the experience of raising him is that sometimes we are convinced that we understand what someone else experiences and why they think the way that they do. And it's this certainty of the primacy of our own understanding/judgment that blocks us from actually understanding why someone else might be different than we are. Intially, I had a sense that I knew what autism was and I would interpret his behavior in the context of my own beliefs. Turns out, I was right about some things, but really wrong about others.
It sounds weird to be talking about raising a neurodivergent kiddo in the context of pluralistic democracy, but it was only when I approached his behavior/thinking from a genuine curiosity about HIS experience (seeking first to really get his perspective) that I was able to connect with and understand him as he needed me to. I keep going back to this idea....that it's through genuine connection that we build families and societies. And that doesn't mean that there isn't disagreement or dissent...anyway...just a little observation. Again, thank you for writing this.
We all need it, and we can all choose to gift it. I have not dropped any of my MAGA friends or family. I love them and accept them as they are. Life is too short for any other approach. Time is precious and love is eternal. Thank you for your essay, Mike. Well stated as usual!
I think understanding why we hang onto some conflicted relationships and let others go requires that you first look within yourself and find the willingness to accept that the way your friend or family member sees the world -- their beliefs, the things that they value -- are as real and valid to them as your world view is to you. Once you accept this, then it becomes a conscious decision. Are you willing to see that person as they are -- to see their failings (as you perceive them) -- and look beyond these to see the human being who is worthy of your love and friendship?
Whether or not the relationship holds depends, of course, on the other person's willingness to do the same.
Yes. If you can accept the world view of others, even strangers and countrymen, as being valid to them, then you can make the choice to see them as fellow humans worthy of love. You can choose to see them this way regardless of how they see you. And in doing so, you, by example, sow the seeds of reconciliation.
This, perhaps, is the only way we can hold together as a country.
One of my favorite places to challenge myself to have respectful discussion around politics is with clients as I do their hair. If they elude to something political I stay open and alert to how I can speak honestly with grace and clarity and we always end up having really interesting discussion that reveals to us that we aren’t as divided as it seems we might be. I can stay calm and have great discussions at work.
Family is a whole bigger ball of wax to play in the realms of balance and grounded responding. That’s some high level emotional skill to navigate. 😉
It’s good to be reminded that these family divisions have always been here and have been worse at other times in history than they are now. Relationship, it is the stuff of life.
But morality must transcend politics. There’s no upside, and maybe it’s cowardice, to continually reach out to those unable to distinguish fact from fiction, and who at times believes a supernatural power ensured Trump’s reelection.
I can no longer pretend that this country has two competing visions based on a shared objective with different policy paths.
The competing visions are sanity and insanity. Crazy isn’t party specific - but there is a sense of such moral and intellectual rot in MAGA that I can’t in good conscience try to meet nutters in the middle. Some might have, possibly, real policy differences. But stupidity and deliberate hostility must be met with courage.
That my friend is a separate question and consideration. While I agree with you I fear you’ve missed the premise of the whole piece.
I certainly did not equate the divisions in America as equal. Nowhere did I justify the lies that permeate the current right wing in our politics.
Morality, of course, must rise above all other considerations- just as it did in our fight for Independence and against slavery.
That we literally need each other as human beings is the conflict with our differing ideologies. If we did not have that basic human need our country would have dissolved long ago.
It is that need that leads us to not lose hope in each other, even when all hope may be lost as Ben Franklin learned and as brother killed brother in the civil war.
That is all that holds us together. That is the only hope we have. That’s the story of humanity, not just America.
Mike, I’m thinking your recent reflections in Rome have brought more spiritual contemplation to your Substack. A recent President often said there’s a battle for the soul of America. I appreciate these thoughts on how we can each hold onto ours.
I have been contemplating the way forward as a nation a lot. I lived in VA for fourteen years and am now in New England and have felt dislocated in both places for different reasons (I am not a orthodox thinker...as a product of a mixed ethnic/religious/cultural household I was not really raised to see the world through a black/white lens.)
I have an autistic/ADHD son and something I learned slowly (and then deeply) through the experience of raising him is that sometimes we are convinced that we understand what someone else experiences and why they think the way that they do. And it's this certainty of the primacy of our own understanding/judgment that blocks us from actually understanding why someone else might be different than we are. Intially, I had a sense that I knew what autism was and I would interpret his behavior in the context of my own beliefs. Turns out, I was right about some things, but really wrong about others.
It sounds weird to be talking about raising a neurodivergent kiddo in the context of pluralistic democracy, but it was only when I approached his behavior/thinking from a genuine curiosity about HIS experience (seeking first to really get his perspective) that I was able to connect with and understand him as he needed me to. I keep going back to this idea....that it's through genuine connection that we build families and societies. And that doesn't mean that there isn't disagreement or dissent...anyway...just a little observation. Again, thank you for writing this.
A wonderful observation which makes perfect sense in this context! Thanks for this 🙏🏼
Unconditional love❤️
We all need it, and we can all choose to gift it. I have not dropped any of my MAGA friends or family. I love them and accept them as they are. Life is too short for any other approach. Time is precious and love is eternal. Thank you for your essay, Mike. Well stated as usual!
I think understanding why we hang onto some conflicted relationships and let others go requires that you first look within yourself and find the willingness to accept that the way your friend or family member sees the world -- their beliefs, the things that they value -- are as real and valid to them as your world view is to you. Once you accept this, then it becomes a conscious decision. Are you willing to see that person as they are -- to see their failings (as you perceive them) -- and look beyond these to see the human being who is worthy of your love and friendship?
Whether or not the relationship holds depends, of course, on the other person's willingness to do the same.
Same as with our countrymen right?
Yes. If you can accept the world view of others, even strangers and countrymen, as being valid to them, then you can make the choice to see them as fellow humans worthy of love. You can choose to see them this way regardless of how they see you. And in doing so, you, by example, sow the seeds of reconciliation.
This, perhaps, is the only way we can hold together as a country.
One of my favorite places to challenge myself to have respectful discussion around politics is with clients as I do their hair. If they elude to something political I stay open and alert to how I can speak honestly with grace and clarity and we always end up having really interesting discussion that reveals to us that we aren’t as divided as it seems we might be. I can stay calm and have great discussions at work.
Family is a whole bigger ball of wax to play in the realms of balance and grounded responding. That’s some high level emotional skill to navigate. 😉
It’s good to be reminded that these family divisions have always been here and have been worse at other times in history than they are now. Relationship, it is the stuff of life.
Thanks! 😊
Loved, loved, loved this, Mike — exactly what I (and probably all of us!) needed to hear right now.
Thank you for this framing. It’s important to remember in an age where we just block people who say things we don’t like. I appreciate you!
Thank you Alina 🙏🏼
Well said.
Thanks Jon 🙏🏼
This is beautiful and much needed, Mike. Thank you for the gift of it.
Thanks for the post, Mike.
But morality must transcend politics. There’s no upside, and maybe it’s cowardice, to continually reach out to those unable to distinguish fact from fiction, and who at times believes a supernatural power ensured Trump’s reelection.
I can no longer pretend that this country has two competing visions based on a shared objective with different policy paths.
The competing visions are sanity and insanity. Crazy isn’t party specific - but there is a sense of such moral and intellectual rot in MAGA that I can’t in good conscience try to meet nutters in the middle. Some might have, possibly, real policy differences. But stupidity and deliberate hostility must be met with courage.
That my friend is a separate question and consideration. While I agree with you I fear you’ve missed the premise of the whole piece.
I certainly did not equate the divisions in America as equal. Nowhere did I justify the lies that permeate the current right wing in our politics.
Morality, of course, must rise above all other considerations- just as it did in our fight for Independence and against slavery.
That we literally need each other as human beings is the conflict with our differing ideologies. If we did not have that basic human need our country would have dissolved long ago.
It is that need that leads us to not lose hope in each other, even when all hope may be lost as Ben Franklin learned and as brother killed brother in the civil war.
That is all that holds us together. That is the only hope we have. That’s the story of humanity, not just America.
Mike, I’m thinking your recent reflections in Rome have brought more spiritual contemplation to your Substack. A recent President often said there’s a battle for the soul of America. I appreciate these thoughts on how we can each hold onto ours.